I have a knack of dropping things – VALUABLE things – in the toilet bowl.

Approximately 6 years ago, Sharon gave me a crucifix necklace. Because Sharon is the closest thing I have to a sister, I treasured that crucifix like it was gold. I kept it around my neck everyday, all day. One fateful day while taking a dump in the office, the leather thingy that held the crucifix broke. I tried to catch it. It slipped from my hands and fell into the deep dark recesses of the jamban. My pants were down. I was helpless. I couldn’t retrieve it. I was HEARTBROKEN.

Last year, the closest ass I have to a brother (read: sham) gave me his beautiful st.dupont lighter. I treasured that lighter with my life. If it wasn’t on me, it would be safely tucked away in one of my drawers at home. Yesterday I brought that lighter to work. Craving for a cigarette, I went to the washroom to light up. The floor was wet and slippery. I was taking the lighter out of my pocket. I slipped. It flew out. I watched helplessly as it bounced (cracked, more like it) off the sink and spiralled into the never ending darkness of the jamban.

So I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. Three things raced through my mind as the reality of it all sank in:

1. It is a very VERY expensive lighter
2. Sham used to play rugby.
3. I used to be in the choir.

I would’ve used a glove if my head was clear. Instead, I got up immediately, reached inside and pulled it out with my bare hands.

I am sorry sham. Please do not beat me with your baton. I’ve already washed the lighter (and my hands) with soap. It now smells of metal and lavender.